The Translucent Me ..........

Gauteng, South Africa
I was born in the Summer of '69 & the era which is commonly known as "Flowa Powa", "Free Love" and "Contraband Narcotics" - hell, of course that potentially had no positive contribution as to how my life actually did transpire - smiles. Oh, how I still look for plausible reasons or excuses as to why my life followed the winding, topsy, turvy, upside down, inside out, and back to front spiral that it did. Now, eventually I am translucent ....... I am me, what was - was, what is - is, what will be - is still to come. Hmmmm, exciting very exciting.

Welcome to the Translucent World of Translucency - H, OM & W + H, F & C .....

Oxford English Dictionary - Translucent / tranz-loo-suhnt, adj, allowing light to pass through partially; semi-transparent. ORIGIN - Latin translucere 'shine through'

Ever wondered how the Magician (The many Thangs that blow my hair back kind of a Thang - lol!) of Translucency maintains its weightlessness, graceful movement & no general concern of what - was, what - is and what - will be .......... the ever elusive and awe inspiring Jellyfish.

NTS (Note to Self) - aim to become luminously translucent in this life ........

The Translucency "Thang" of being luminously transparent

The Translucency "Thang" of being luminously transparent
Now, wouldn't that just be one Helleva Thang ..........?

If I give you some"thang", is it yours ....?

The many "Thangs" that blow my hair back ........

  • A bubble bath without the Champers
  • A good conversation & a healthy debate
  • Absolute gratitude for a new shot at life
  • Agreeing to Disagree
  • Being a Mother, Daughter, Sister, Granddaughter, Friend, Godmother (finally am the Lover part ..... smiles)
  • Being loved
  • Chocolate & Strawberry milkshake that leaves a moustache on my top lip
  • Creme Brule
  • Falling in love
  • Getting out of bed every morning and giving thanks for another Beautifully Exquisite Day
  • Giggling so much that my tummy hurts
  • Having my Man tell me that I am beautiful and for once I actually believe it
  • Hearing my favourite song on the radio and singing to it at the top of my lungs
  • Holding hands with my Man!
  • Jellyfish
  • Kissing my Dad on his bald patch and him winking and saying that since yesterday 3 new hairs have sprouted because of that "baldy patch" kiss
  • Laughing at myself even though those around me ARE paying attention
  • Laughing for absolutely no reason at all
  • Laughing so hard that my face hurts and realizing I have acquired a few extra laugh lines
  • Lying in bed and really listening to the rain outside
  • Making new friends or spending time with old ones
  • Midnight phone calls that last for hours
  • Most definately "Addict" parfum by C.D.
  • Riding the best roller coaster over and over and each time I tell my daughter never again
  • Road trips with friends
  • Runing into an old friend and realizing that some things haven't changed but I have
  • Swinging on a swing as high as I can
  • That special glance from My Man
  • That special kiss that leaves me with butterflies in my tummy
  • The sand between my toes at the beach
  • The smell of puppy breath
  • The word "copious" ..... so expressive I can see it, touch it, feel it
  • Watching my 17 year old daughter sleeping, I actually catch my breath and I know then what unconditional love is
  • Watching the expression on my loved ones faces as they open a much desired present which was under "that same" *wink* Christmas Tree, but they never had the chance to prod and peep at it like I did
  • Watching the sunrise and promising myself that I will never sleep whilst the Sun shines
  • When my daughter puts her arms around me and whispers in my ear - "I love you, Mommy Darling"
  • When my daughter still to this day, always brings me a flower from wherever she has been just to say- "I love you, Mom"
  • Wrapping presents under the Christmas Tree and prodding and peeping at a gift that has my name on it - cheeky hey?

That Translucent "Thang" - Eyes are the window to the Soul ........

That Translucent "Thang" - Eyes are the window to the Soul ........
The Actress

The Saboteur

The Intensifier

The Forward Thinker

The Chameleon

The Owner

The Giver

The Woman

The Translucent

Friday, February 8, 2008

My Dark Ringed Hazel Man

Try waking up every morning with this hollow emptiness that sits in the absolute pit of my stomach and nausea that threatens to envelope me most hours of the day!

I wake up with a vision in my mind of Him and go to sleep with that same vision of Him and have that vision intermittently through the course of the day. It gnaws at me, savagely ripping at my thoughts, and it pervades every inch of my waking hours and is forever there …….. it never goes away!!!!! It sits there, waiting to pounce again and again and the hollow emptiness just increases and maintains its vigil at my fragile hearts door.

I know why I feel like this because my only crime is of being guilty of loving, wanting and missing Someone, Something, Him …… He knows who He is ……….
I mourn for him, I mourn for what we briefly had, I mourn for what we could have had, I mourn for that man that I fell in love with, I mourn for the life in those dark ringed hazel eyes, I mourn for him because he is unable to mourn for himself. It devastates me to know that he doesn’t fear for himself, that he doesn’t care enough about himself, that he doesn’t aspire to love again, to feel again, to LIVE again – how, is this humanly possible when all the emotions are so part of who and what we are and of every day life and yet they seem to constantly elude him or is it that he chooses for them to elude him, he can grasp them, he has before, but now the desire for Love and Life has left his eyes ……. I long, grieve and pine for this Dark Ringed Hazel Man, this Love of Mine ………

He is elusively chasing “nothingness” that will only leave in its wake - dereliction, pain, turmoil, devastation, loss, loneliness, heartache ………. and his beautiful Dark Ringed Hazel Eyes – Lifeless & Soulless. He voluntarily chooses this emptiness, this abyss of nothingness. Why? I ask ……… what does he hide inside, what does he not want to face? Are his demons so heinous that he fears looking at them, facing them would destroy the very fibre of his being. His decision not to face his demons destroys the very fibre of his being now, does he not see this, no, it grieves me, he doesn’t ……….. I know not, anymore.

I voluntarily put myself out there in the firm belief that I would only know unless I felt it ………… I have felt it. It makes me ache inside that the “nothingness” has claimed once again a willing victim.

My Dark Ringed Hazel Man, how I but wish that I can bring you back from the darkness which is slowly draining the life from you, I can do nothing but stand on the sidelines – hoping and praying that you will in one last desperate attempt reach out your hand so that I might assist in stopping you from plunging into that Lifeless, Soulless Abyss forever ………. Oh, how I pray that you will reach out your hand but just once again …….

And say once more to me, “Babe - I don’t want us to be done – please rethink ………..”

For then, I will know that you have chosen above all else - Love & Life, my Precious Dark Ringed Hazel Man.

All my love ………. always.

Lazy Lass

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